Who you callin' a Ho, Fatman?

Wines for Christmas 

Well, it depends on what your cooking, how much you drink while cooking, how bad your cooking is and how much needs to be drunk to cover the taste...
My standard answer is Bourbon because it's high in alcohol and will make you forget how crazy your family is making you. Plus it's a fast answer and gets people away from me quickly; however, since I'm writing this out, I'd figure I'd take a little more time.
If you're of the slow roast or prime rib variety, I'd recommend a Cabernet with a good tannin level (that drying feeling in your teeth that works so well with cow fat), a Barolo, Barbaresco, Chianti or Brunello. Need me to just tell you what to buy? Ok, here are several wines of different price points and from different regions*:

1. Le Macchiole Bolgheri Rosso
2. Gaja Brunello
3. Stonestreet Cabernet Suavignon
4. Chimney Rock Elevage
5. Massolino Barolo
6. Grappone Mazzi
7. Finca Villacreces Pruno
8. Domaine de Courcel Les Rugiens Pommard Premier Cru (really if you stick with Pommard, Volnay, Nuits St George, over $20 you'll probably be ok unless it looks like it's been in the window front of a store where wine goes to die)

* Spoiler alert, these wines are mostly all full bodied, high to med tannins with complex fruit structures 

Are you some sort of weirdo freak that goes with ham at the holidays? Ok well there's not much hope for you but here goes:

1. Albert Seltz Reisling
2. Lagler Gruner Veltliner (any- they're all awesome and if you can tell the difference, then you're a Master Somm and why are you reading a how-to?)
3. Mischief and Mayhem Chablis
4. La Crema Chardonnay
5. Chanson Puligny Montrachet
6. Bollinger Grande Annee Rose
7. Domaine Albert Morot Beaune Bressandes (Go with this if you're smoking the ham)

Now, if you stick with the aforementioned regions you should be good, but if you're still in doubt, get egg nog and add tons of whiskey.

Sincerely,

Snarky the Grinch