My Homage to Martha

I woke up this morning late after a night of debauchery at the casino. I thought I should do something wholesome to counterbalance my bacchanalian evening. I decided Dan felt like it too so off we went for the corn maze. We got there and it seemed like a lot of work hungover. He asked if we couldn't just get a pumpkin and call it a day. It didn't take much for me to cave as he reminded me the Packers played at one. First though, I thought we should take the dog on a hike through the falling leaves. An hour later after getting lost, we headed back. 

Now, the Sicilian loves pumpkin pies, and since I'm such an a@@hat for making him kind of go to a corn maze, I decided I'd buy two pumpkins at that market: one for carving what will be a ridiculously bad-looking decoration and the other for making a pie out of scratch. Ambitious right? Exactly. Dumb as f*ck considering they sell cans of this sh*t or pies already made.

So I'm not going into the recipe for you. Use your Google machine like a normal person. I will show you pictures though, to inspire confidence. You can do it, sure, but it takes wayyyy longer than if you were to just purchase the damned thing pre-made. Three hours later and a lot of f*cking swearing, these little bastards were ready. I mean, I even did the crusts from scratch. 

Let me tell you, Dan was ecstatic and the Packers won so I guess it was a good day.

Not to be wasteful by the way, I roasted the seeds with olive oil and salt so Dan could eat. I forgot to feed him during all of this and he's helpless without me.

What's my point? Oh yeah...this is amazing with spiked cider, Pure Cider, or Possman's cider. We bought apple cider at the harvest farm area and of course added some trusty Busted Barrel Rum on the hike. I mean at home. We drank spiked cider at home. You know what? Shut up. We were hungover. What did you do today?

Anyway, the Broncos game is about to start so I gotta go. Also I'm too drunk to write anything else.

Fall and Queso Dip

The leaves are changing color here in the North East, football is in the air, and I'm reminded once again about what's most important...queso dip, and selling as many cases as I can for the next few months so I don't starve in January. That's not entirely true, I also care that nothing happens to Jordy Nelson or Payton Manning.

Statistically, 50% of wine sales (totally made up) are done in three months, affectionately known as OND. Although I don't know who in the wine business has anything but contempt for the holidays. I've been clocking 8-12 miles a day working the market. My Achilles' tendon is so swollen I need a third shoe for it. The distributors are overwhelmed because a thousand wineries are asking them to sell more. A little squeaky sh*t like me gets put in a  proverbial time out. The sommeliers and retailers try their best to accommodate us. Either that or hide when they see wine bags rolling in. For me, right now, it's do or...watch my company fail and move back in with my parents. I could also have a nervous breakdown and check myself into a psyche ward for a break. Neither sounds appealing.

When someone (my cousin Alex) says how great it is to start hearing Christmas music in September, I want to slap them (her.) All it is to me is a countdown to either my success or my moving into the elevator at the 33rd street station (by far the cleanest.) Oh sure, I love Christmas Day, carving pumpkins and ice skating in Rockefeller center, but I won't have time to celebrate until January 2nd. This makes what the rest of you are enjoying while we suffer, rude. 

I'm just kidding (no I'm not.)

Anyhow, that brings me back to queso dip. On my "weekends", when I'm sending emails to buyers, who will probably ignore my request to seeing them the following week, I can also watch football and eat fattening queso. In this way, I'll have something to work off next Spring for bikini season and at the same time feed, rather than actually address, my emotions. So repeats the circle of life. 

In the spirit of giving, here is my queso recipe (basically from the box):

1.) one can of Rotel

2.) one package of Velveeta "cheese"

3.) a splash of cheap beer 

Add ingredients together in a crockpot or Le Crueset and heat on low, stirring so as not to burn the dish. Drink the rest of the beer. Shovel hot dip into your face with corn tortilla chips. Drink another beer.

The pairing works beautifully but if you don't want to guzzle more beer, riesling or a rosé works as well. A good apple cider that's spiked like Possman's, is both festive and appropriate for fall. 

You're welcome.

Fallen Leaves- don't judge my work. I'm not a photographer