Anyhow, what's my point? I've started my own business. Did I tell you that? Well I did. If you're thinking about it, I would suggest taking up a fishing business in Spain instead. Maybe pottery? A second language? I'm somewhat ambitious so I went the other way. No, the blog isn't my business but my fun pastime to release my creativity and spew nonsense to a somewhat captive audience. I either have three fans that have read my blog a thousand times, or a thousand people that have read it three times. I'd like to hope the latter but I'm guessing it's somewhere in between. Thanks anyway.
What do I do other then this stupid sh@t, you ask? How kind. Well I started an importer/broker. Basically I work all the time, have gone blind with government paperwork, and make no one happy. It's awesome. My baby...a foul-mouthed, demanding, money-draining full-time bastard baby. There's no father. I look forward to the weekends so I can do paperwork uninterrupted. It's super-pathetic. Anyhow, you may still be asking me, " Snarky" (we're not that close that you get to call me by my first name), " how do you go about starting your own broker and importer?" I would reply that you're either brain dead or a glutton for punishment. If you still want to know here goes.
1.) Study wine and business for so many years that you hate it. All of it, but pretend you're still passionate. Also move to different territories every two years.
2.) Your boss tells you what to do for the last time and you quit.
3.) Your cable bill shows up on your email (you still get a paper bill? Do you rollerblade to work too? What an a@@- JK! Keep reading!) and you don't want to miss Game of Thrones. You've invested too much time.
4.) Start getting your FBI fingerprints now. That sh*t takes forever.
5.) Call the TTB or (insert your State's) local alcohol government bureau roughly a month before you want to start. You'll be on hold at least that long and probably get hung-up on a few times, or transferred to the Real Estate division. They sent me a survey recently asking how they were doing and I told them I hate them.
6.) Don't tell the TTB you hate them
7.) Pester the sh*t out of distributors, your former clients, and everyone that said they'd totally support you. They'll be really busy but you'll hear from them. No worries! They said they like supporting the little guy and that's you! (or me in this example)
8.) Have a lot of money or sell everything. Get rid of cable. You can pirate off of your local Starbucks. Sell your car. Take up praying if you didn't before. Also maybe default on all your credit cards. The dragons have to win out on Game of Thrones anyway. Don't they?!?
9.) Fill out more government paperwork once a state picks up your wine
10.) Learn another language to start acquiring wineries. I recommend soap operas. Or date an Italian.
11.) Write the TTB a nice note.
12.) Eat Ramen
Well, someone hit said car that I'm trying to sell today so I need to call insurance. Also a bird crapped on it, so I need to rewash. I'm great! So happy! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh......
